Thursday, January 27, 2011

A Relationship What Point is Money a Taboo?! it's been a long time...I shouldn't have left you! (couldn't resist the Aaliyah song reference).

But in all seriousness, it has been farrrrrr too long, but I've been super busy. However, I'm back now with a relationship question and I'd love to get some feedback on it!

So, I was on a forum earlier tonight and a guy (we'll call him Mr. X) mentioned that he has a $20 spending cap for first dates. He doesn't feel like it's necessary to spend money, and first dates only consist of walks through parks, visiting museums (if free) and taking them to Subway for meals. Basically, he's been burned enough by gold diggers that he know forces all women to pass the first date test (although the spending limit extends well into the 3rd, 4th and 5th date). And to add to this, he hadn't met a girl yet who made him feel like she was worth breaking his $20 test formula. Errmmmm...yeah I know! Anyway this is the question:

Should first date spending caps be implemented? Should a woman be frowned upon for not accepting a cap as low as $20 for a first date? And is it possible that Mr. X has as much to do with the kind of woman he's attracting as much as the woman is responsible for her behavior on a date?

I preface this by saying, no woman should force a guy to pay top dollar just to prove a point. Ordering the lobster at market value, the best champaign just because, and dragging a man to the mall to take you shopping are all signs of gold diggery that are not acceptable. Gold diggers (much like bad boys) create bitter jaded men and make the rest of us struggle that much harder to break through a guy's outer shell to get to the warm fuzzy center. I'd also like to know in what city you can have a date for $20 that covers food and activities?!

But on the flip side, no one should create a test formula that's set up to make the respondent (date) fail. In my opinion, a $20 budget test is really a waste of time for both parties. Time is the one thing that none of us can get back. I think my time is pretty valuable, and I would hope that if I was single, the guy who asked me out would already know in advance if they wanted to spend any kind of one-on-one time with me before asking me out on a date. Walks in the park and free museum nights are great for an occasional break from the routine...but if every date is a trip to cheapskate world...let's just say it won't take long for a woman to pick up on it.

If you're spending all of your time focusing on a mental obstacle course (via the $20 cap) then you're not focusing on getting to know the person that you're dating. You're so focused on proving that a cliche (the gold digger) is true that you miss the opportunity to get to know what makes your date unique and interesting. Which segues into my next point...

Maybe you need to re-evaluate your criteria for asking a woman out on a date if you find yourself always dating gold diggers that force you to implement a budget test. Much like a woman who complains about dating "no good hood dudes" but only replies to the guy hanging on the corner...I feel like this guy is attracting and interacting primarily with women who are less than ideal. We're told that there's two sides to every the blame can't rest entirely on the woman's shoulders!

But now you know my view...I'm definitely interested in hearing your take on the topic!

No comments: